Entries by elisabeth howland

NAMASTE YOU CUNT

It’s not every day you get told you have the heart of a viper.  I considered it.  Then I thought, You know what? She’s right. I am a viper. A Kundalini snake. A being that believes in transformation and energy rising. A healer, even if it hurts. That distinction, between medicine and poison, how subtle […]

November 2, 2021 by

THE OPTIMIST AND THE REALIST

BLACKBERRY SEASON Not far up the hill on the gravel road is an old local living in a trailer singing Hallelujah with a Confederate flag tacked prominently to a tree.  Let it be on earth, as it is in heaven.  (Apparently in heaven they only like white folks) I’m not sure why, but the cow […]

August 17, 2021 by

CASHMERE ON THE COAST

It is always good to have cashmere on the California coast. One may encounter wind and sun, rain and fog, and one’s wardrobe need be as versatile as the varied microclimates of this magic place. 120 degrees one day, 60 degrees the next.  Of course, it is only magic if you let it be. If you […]

July 15, 2021 by

PART TWO: THE HIGHWAY HOTEL

There is always an entry point to every story. This time it’s on the Green Line, riding up through South Central. I estimate that thirty percent of the people on the train have diagnosed mental health issues. Voices speak out, wanting to be seen, and I see them. In a way it is my worst […]

July 10, 2021 by

THANK YOU VERY MUCH

Jesus Christ. This is what he said when he was finally inside of me. Like something had caught him off-guard, unexpected, a surprise. The tone of his voice made me realize how strange it is that as women we can never know what it feels like to be inside ourselves.  Jesus Christ, but you do […]

July 5, 2021 by

Here is what I wrote:

The sense of a request I can‘t ever fulfill To love him only, forever And I already love more than most   In the early morning or mid morning  Waking He is not by my side but could be, wants to be   There was too much imbibing last night Maybe I laughed too loudly […]

May 19, 2021 by

HE ALWAYS SAID, “BLAME ME.” NOW WE ARE.

Apologize? Look, I have said repeatedly, we made a mistake in creating the void.” — Governor Andrew Cuomo Here we are, Day 360, holding the Governor of New York responsible for his negligent handling of the pandemic. We say we could have had a different outcome, if we had all the information. This is what […]

February 25, 2021 by

A PORT IN THE STORM

For my last happy hour with the Governor, I have to scour the cupboard for alcohol. It’s not that I’m a copious drinker, I’ve just been diligently using up the reserves for the past three months or more, and now we’re down little more than half a bottle of Aperol (no Prosecco) and a couple […]

June 29, 2020 by

YOU ARE WHAT YOU DO

This afternoon the Governor’s smile was priceless. Yes, yes, we are going to go through the numbers and give you the facts, but after all that, we are going to cut a ribbon here, on one big fat present of a project. They were at La Guardia, ready to open up a new terminal and […]

June 29, 2020 by

SOLIDARITY DAY

It was a day of great jubilee. “When freedom come, I didn’t know what that was.” Abraham Lincoln officially outlawed slavery with the Emancipation Proclamation on January 1, 1863, but it wasn’t until June 19th, 1865, that the slaves in Galveston, Texas, were made aware of the news by a visit from the Union Army […]

June 29, 2020 by