Entries by elisabeth howland

PRAYING TO THE GODS OF GOOD TIMES

Here we are in the (new) summer season, supposedly normal. That is to say, normal with a recent spike in cases here in Berlin, with an entire block of houses, many of them recent refugees, individually quarantined. That is to say, normal as over 21 states in America have increases in the case numbers, and […]

June 18, 2020 by

STATUES DIE TOO `

My brain had different thoughts underwater. Truth swimming, or sinking, seeping out the cracks. There is an unveiling in this hangover. Unavoidable revealing. Inadequacy sinking. Jealousy rising. Anger. Judgment. Equanimity. Grief. All the different feels. We are so different, she and I. As I sat there offering my presence and she put it into color on […]

June 12, 2020 by

DAY 100

So speaking of elder wisdom, I just made pirogis for your Polish grandma. I made pirogis just so I can learn how to make pirogis, so I could make them for your grandma should I ever meet her, and I did pretty damn well, I must say so. Pirogi dough is hard to handle, a […]

June 9, 2020 by

LIFE MATTERS

Over the weekend the protests continue, many of them loud, some of them silent. All the lost lives that have already turned to dust in the open grave of humanity are bodies on the street, marching. No man, no woman. No black, no white. No POC, or, for that matter, privileged, ignorant, well-meaning and or […]

June 9, 2020 by

COLLECTING THE BONES

This is what we must do. We must say a prayer for our ancestors. We need to dig up and collect their bones. That is what they are crying for. We need to confront the past, recapitulate. Then we can move on. (In the park the ferns have grown larger, and Queen Anne’s lace is […]

June 6, 2020 by

HAMARTIA

A Silent Protest If you don’t know me by now — Standing up tall, finding your depth. Me sigue ? O no me sigues todavía ? Every time that Spotify advertises, I take an opportunity to come back to my breath. Ha. I jest. But if not my breath, at least the present moment. At […]

June 6, 2020 by

#BLACKOUTTUESDAY

<Everyone is praying for you> I am brought back into presence by the song of a bird I cannot see. The Governor is asked about the possibility of opening up unemployment offices for socially distanced in-person interactions. He says this is not feasible, but Melissa DeRosa nods and smiles, says it’s a good idea, they […]

June 3, 2020 by

THE POLICE STATE

I ride home under the waxing moon at 2am on streets that are still vibrating. People are out, police are out, there are remnants in all directions. I ride towards a group of police cars with naive optimism, and get told that I am not allowed to enter the park, which would under normal circumstances […]

June 1, 2020 by

LAVENDER RAIN

The rats are going to war against each other. We told you this was going to happen. I come home and douse myself in lavender oil. I feel namelessly anxious, and keep breathing deeply, constantly aware of the inhale and exhale. Seems like there is not enough air to breath, and so much to release. […]

May 30, 2020 by

DOING THE RIGHT THING

What happened to the American Spirit? What happened to that concept of mutuality? You know there is still a simple premise that you can’t find in a book and that Washington hasn’t written regulations for that’s called “The Right Thing.” There is still a “Right Thing” in life. The Right Thing you feel inside you. […]

May 30, 2020 by