The sense of a request I can‘t ever fulfill

To love him only, forever

And I already love more than most


In the early morning or mid morning 


He is not by my side but could be, wants to be


There was too much imbibing last night

Maybe I laughed too loudly

Young ones are older these days


On day one I clean the kitchen

On day two I do the laundry

On day three I reflect and clean my mind


This is why we should not have to work

More than four days a week, ever:

We need time, to live, maintain. 


I suppose it is fear I feel

Fear of the unknown

Fear of loss, the power of love


Fear of returning to the place

Of wanting something so much

That can never be had


But in this moment that little voice inside tells me that

I cannot return to my old mind

It is impossible


I cannot look on the new with old eyes

Even if I wanted to

Even as I try


Would you want to live there in my paradise? 

Even without me by your side?

Why the ever-present absence, I wonder.  


I do not need to cry to feel

These things deep inside

Draining, echoing, sliding down viscera


We always both said we felt empty

After a fight

Empty inside, emptied


Of our insides, these needs and dreams

And attached desires 

Attempts at permanence.


And to go into philosophy is not a trick here

It is not an evasion of feeling or truth

It is the view scene from a mountaintop, perspective. 


Acknowledgement of what is, what is coming

The inevitable horizon of sun setting

And others rising 


I tell you I am like a flower you pass along the canal,

A bird chirping, a tree in the park

Your favorite meal perhaps


I say I am all of these things, 

because you can find me there

In between the cells of your tissue


All the things we have ever shared

All the things we could

All the failures also


It is true that my language has changed

Become more simple

Thought as a foreign language


For the things we know without speaking

Acknowledging the details that are truly important

And those that are just difference and change


Waves comes continuously washing over our bodies 

Lain out upon the shore like children

Playing in the water


We waded, we dove all in

We played out the hand we were dealt 

And asked for another, and then another


Still more we ask, we wait. 

it is not our turn it seems

Other things are happening


Wood is being carved into life

Water is nourishing seeds

The sun shines over us all, watching


There is still a we in us. 

Even if we don‘t know

What we are doing


Who we are or where

We‘re going

Just two bodies, 


Two amongst so many 

Floating and swimming

Universal space filled with being