The sense of a request I can‘t ever fulfill
To love him only, forever
And I already love more than most
In the early morning or mid morning
Waking
He is not by my side but could be, wants to be
There was too much imbibing last night
Maybe I laughed too loudly
Young ones are older these days
On day one I clean the kitchen
On day two I do the laundry
On day three I reflect and clean my mind
This is why we should not have to work
More than four days a week, ever:
We need time, to live, maintain.
I suppose it is fear I feel
Fear of the unknown
Fear of loss, the power of love
Fear of returning to the place
Of wanting something so much
That can never be had
But in this moment that little voice inside tells me that
I cannot return to my old mind
It is impossible
I cannot look on the new with old eyes
Even if I wanted to
Even as I try
Would you want to live there in my paradise?
Even without me by your side?
Why the ever-present absence, I wonder.
I do not need to cry to feel
These things deep inside
Draining, echoing, sliding down viscera
We always both said we felt empty
After a fight
Empty inside, emptied
Of our insides, these needs and dreams
And attached desires
Attempts at permanence.
And to go into philosophy is not a trick here
It is not an evasion of feeling or truth
It is the view scene from a mountaintop, perspective.
Acknowledgement of what is, what is coming
The inevitable horizon of sun setting
And others rising
I tell you I am like a flower you pass along the canal,
A bird chirping, a tree in the park
Your favorite meal perhaps
I say I am all of these things,
because you can find me there
In between the cells of your tissue
All the things we have ever shared
All the things we could
All the failures also
It is true that my language has changed
Become more simple
Thought as a foreign language
For the things we know without speaking
Acknowledging the details that are truly important
And those that are just difference and change
Waves comes continuously washing over our bodies
Lain out upon the shore like children
Playing in the water
We waded, we dove all in
We played out the hand we were dealt
And asked for another, and then another
Still more we ask, we wait.
it is not our turn it seems
Other things are happening
Wood is being carved into life
Water is nourishing seeds
The sun shines over us all, watching
There is still a we in us.
Even if we don‘t know
What we are doing
Who we are or where
We‘re going
Just two bodies,
Two amongst so many
Floating and swimming
Universal space filled with being